“Teddy bears are awesome.” Simon clutched the fuzzy, soft, glassy-eyed bear to his chest.

“For kindergarteners who are afraid of the dark, not for grown men.” Mike looked disgusted and embarrassed to be standing in the middle of the store with his roommate. Had he not been a passenger in Simon’s car, he’d have left.

“Haven’t you seen the picture on the internet where the teddy bear is defending the sleeping boy with a wooden sward from a giant Godzilla-monster thing?”

“No.”

“It’s epic.”

“Suuure. Don’t you need like, motor oil or something?”

Simon smiled and put the bear on the shelf. “Motor oil? That’s the manliest you can do? How about power tools?”

“Anything to get you away from the bear.”

Simon picked it back up. “But it’s so soft!” He shoved it in Mike’s face. “Feel it.”

“No.”
“Feel it.”
“NO.”
“FEEEEL IIIT.”
“Eff off!” Mike crossly walked away.

“Man, I do wear the pants around here.” Simon spoke to the bear, “He can’t even cuss.”