This seems like a viable scene as seen from the view of a twelve-year-old. I don’t know if you’re open to suggestions, but if you are, let me know!
This seems like a viable scene as seen from the view of a twelve-year-old.
I don’t know if you’re open to suggestions, but if you are, let me know!
I can feel how scared she is, delivered like a package.
Perhaps spacing it out a bit so the reader doesn’t get all jumbled. Overall, nice job capturing the moment. :)
thanks soooooooooo much for the nice comments!!! The second i posted this i freaked i didn’t think anyone would like it!
Michael Wayne LeBlanc
ElshaHawk (LoA)
Princess Binky Lemontwist (LoA)
TwixGrinder