Interesting and much darker than I am used to from you—not necessarily a bad thing mind you. I could see this expanded into a quite horrific short story.

On to the criticism. The first thing that jumps out at me, is that all the paragraphs begin essentially the same way, two of them with ‘He quickly’ and actually there is a third quickly hidden in there as well. For the last sentence, he knows that it is poison but describes it as a purple liquid first. I’m having trouble communication why that is troublesome though.

I love the idea and am very interested in this world and the getting to know this person with a horrible horrible job. I think this says a lot about our society, and possible our future. I can see our determination to be perfect, to churn out certain kinds of people, etc. Fascinating!

I wrote this in a rush so I didn’t notice how many times I used the word “quickly”. I did fix that so it only appears once.

I also edited the injection part too. Perhaps that will be a bit better.

I got this idea from The Giver if you have ever read it. I might write another sequel to this because I do have a few ideas. We shall see. :)