Thoughts swirl in colors, sounds, emotions. This waking nightmare has me rocking in my chair. The chair is solid and stationary, but my body is not. Snippets of songs, bits of conversation, scenes that did happen or could happen, and the anger or fear or relief each thought brings is as vivid and real as a dream.

These are not hopes. These thoughts are not all memories. They crash into one another as conscious mind tries to find balance. This is not time be worried, the problem will sort itself tomorrow. Don’t be angry, that conversation never happened.

The brain is an amazing filter when it works correctly, letting you focus, but when it begins to tire or loses the ability to filter things, it whirs and spins and dances to a rhythm I cannot match. If I keep rocking, back and forth, maybe my body can convince it to fall into a pattern. Then maybe I can control it.

The dial on the radio in my brain is spinning, tuning into random things and moving on to others. It won’t let me sleep.