I am everywhere
and nowhere
at once

The compass needles whir
as the earth keeps spinning
and I’m struggling to stand
still in the face of inertia

Sometimes
I wonder if the earth sits still
and it’s just me spinning
alone, the solitary wind-up
key to the earth’s engine
but if I was

perhaps I wouldn’t be able to cry
and maybe

I wouldn’t be here scratching myself

I wouldn’t be sobbing
and crying at 1am
while my brother sleeps soundly
and is awakened by tears

I wouldn’t be sad over anything

I wouldn’t be here scratching myself in the dark
if only to try and relieve that invisible itch
that slowly crawls under my skins
enters my eyes
but out of my soul
and into the world

at 1 am
last saturday
with the lights out
I started scratching my thighs
trying to get past myself