In a way, I really like how this commentary goes.
It almost seems informal and weird to me, but I love it that way. I can really feel you in this and it makes the narration complete!
the situation of course wasn’t funny, but almost for me the way you would make your side comments like “It was, essentially, very Shawshank” made me laugh kind of like you were trying to seem humorous.
Anyway, great descriptions and nice write ;)

Thank you so ridiculously much for your great review, and for having made me your challenge’s winner! I feel quite honoured.
Yeah, I suppose the situation wasn’t too thrilling to experience, but hindsight provides a lovely pair of humour-tinted glasses with which to view such a past event. (It helps that the whole situation was pretty damn absurd from start to finish, and luckily absurdishness has always been a good bedfellow with humour…)
=P

Sounds like a brief version of a “but wait, it gets worse…” kind of story. The amount and style of information leaves me feeling sympathetically disgusted, but not violated.