My legs are somewhat hairy, sufficiently so that I despise certain types of pants because, when I put them on, they rub the hairs the wrong way and I don’t like the feeling.

My legs have been through a lot. Currently they’re crossed at the ankles as part of my forelegs merge into my body as it sits on this nice blue couch I bought last year. I think it cost about $80.

I read somewhere once—I’d like to say it was in The Plain Dealer, a regional newspaper where I grew up—that, to avoid fainting, you should tense the muscles in your legs because that forces blood back into your body. I can’t say as for it being sound medical advice, but I’ve tried it numerous times, such as during marching band season. I don’t know if it actually did anything or not.