I don’t know how to deal with death.

Or, at least I deal with death differently than others.

When my grandmother passed away (the only I knew), I remember sitting next to my mom in an alcove off to the side of the funeral home and telling myself that I wouldn’t ever see her again. I knew by looking around me that I was supposed to be showing emotions of sadness, grief and loss but I couldn’t cry. Not immediately, anyway. So I forced it. I cried for about ten minutes and – feeling as if I had reached some spiritual part of me – I stopped.

Other times with me dealing with death have resulted in wildly differing emotions. I’ve had multiple pets die over their years and I’ve experienced anger, indifference, mild sadness, deep sorrow, and regret. Never in the same fashion, though. And never for long.

My Godmother passed on not too long ago and I frowned a bit, nodded to myself, and accepted it.

Now I face the loss of my adopted grandmother and I have no idea what to do.

How will it manifest this time?