Definitely comes across as desperate, and sci-fi elements just sort of drop in as if they’re matter-of-fact for your narrator. The sentence with his name feels like a run-on.

This held my interest and raised many questions in my mind. Why were they attacked and by whom? Will anyone help them? In some ways it reminds me a little of Orson Scott Card (what little I’ve read of him). This feels like part of a longer work! Well done! God bless…

This held my interest and raised many questions in my mind. Why were they attacked and by whom? Will anyone help them? In some ways it reminds me a little of Orson Scott Card (what little I’ve read of him). This feels like part of a longer work! Well done! God bless…

This held my interest and raised many questions in my mind. Why were they attacked and by whom? Will anyone help them? In some ways it reminds me a little of Orson Scott Card (what little I’ve read of him). This feels like part of a longer work! Well done! God bless…

I think this is really good. I didn’t think it was desperate at all. I’d be very interested in a sequel or prequel. Will you write one? Or will someone else?

@nuclearsubmarine I will write a sequel soon!