Some days are unforgettable. The date is seared into my mind; a mental brand. I can feel the bumps that make up the scar tissue if I really try. They are always there, out of sight, but the surprise realization comes suddenly and so do the memories kept locked away.

Though the design and shape may be different for all of us, the message is always the same—failure. Today is a date that is special to me but it has the accumulation of ‘almosts’, ‘not-quites’ and ’I’ll do better next times’, and I can’t quite rid myself of the sickly sweet stench of burning skin. The pain has mostly dulled.

Over five years, more than that in truth, I had stoked the fires of this day with half-hearted tries. I think I lied to myself about my effort and tried unconvincingly to get others to believe me. When this day rolled around, I would set the brand in fire to get it red hot. As the day came to a tearful close, I would apply the mark in the same place, renewing the pain with a hiss.

Penance or promise?

Oh, these dreams!