I am here as a Probe. It’s an unfortunate title given your race’s curious fascination with rear penetration, but back home it is an honorable title. I assure you that I have never, ever— errr—probed one of your species without consent. Honestly, the one time that it did happen, well that was an experiment that went awry rather fast but as the saying goes, ‘when you have the mkkzth by the siuun, grip the tentacles hard’.

Let me address the man named Harver. No, our home planet isn’t dying. No, our race isn’t on the edge of extinction. We aren’t here to hurt you. Dour species aren’t you? No, we were merely curious. We wanted to get to know you. According to your own history, you don’t deal with change well. Or surprises. Hence the restraints and armed guards, I suppose. You frightened us, as your overreaction frightens me now.

No, wait! I’ll make a terrible cadaver! My race comes back to life even stronger than before. Sorry. Sorry. That wasn’t me. That was the fear talking. We don’t actually do that.