Cute scenario. The telling is a little stilted, or flat maybe. Not sure I got why we call him ‘The Guy’ as opposed to giving him a name. It makes it feel like you’re pitching a general idea for a sketch rather than telling a story.

Also, second to last paragraph should be, “The Guy hadn’t noticed…”

Hey, thanks a lot for the tips. I’m mostly used to writing in Portuguese, so writing in English is a bit overwhelming. I’m lucky I love challenges. Yes, I need to give him a name. I didn’t find the right one yet, and thought “the guy” would fit better the just ‘joe’. I really like the suggestions and will make the changes.