So,
and I
swear
to your
personal
lord and
savior that
this is true,
a guy I work
with told me
today that his
penis is so big
he broke his ex-
girlfriend’s va- j.
Said he pushed
her cervix back
and that she was
in a lot of pain. It
was excruciatingly
uncomfortable for
me to think of some-
thing to return serve
with, like, right then
when he was finished
forming words with his
mouth and it was my turn
to say something in a world,
in a city, in a restaurant, in a
conversation with a person I
had no desire to talk to in the
first place. So there I am cutt-
ing sushi, thinking ‘this dude is
douchie’ with a capital D and so
I say to the guy, “Knock, knock”
all of a sudden puzzled, having had
his chugging train of thought derai-
led, he responds tentatively, “who’s
there?” then “The interrupting cow”
I say, he pauses, tries to figure it out,
and then foolhardily inquires, as the
joke requires, “the interru…” before he
could spit another syllable I shout as lo-
udly as humanly possible, “MOOOOOOO!”