I know it’s not a complete story so please don’t tell me that it isn’t, it is just the first part of a longer story :)

This moves rapidly, which is good. You use all of the senses, but not in enough detail.

Editing notes: First of all, you need a period after midsection. Then you use a bunch of adjectives that make this writing congested and trips your tongue. There are 4 sentences in a row that begin with she + verb -ed, which also is awkward. I don’t know how the night can fall away.. he didn’t remove her from the night.

And lastly, I am so confused about the fur and the change. Did he only strip her tail? I know this is the middle of a story, but without a sequel, I can’t find out! So write one, okay?