The “pitch-black, tortured past” sounds a bit over-emo to me. Probably just saying “tortured” is enough. Otherwise it’s an evocative piece.

Good call. I kept pushing for longer, longer but you’re right, it could do without the unnecessary bit.

A lot said in a small space! great job!

you could have made this one sentance i believe it lacked emotional content even though it was designed to sound emotional. you know like your heart wasn’t into it.

it is the void of emotion that makes it sad. he’s leaving

Very short, quite bitter. Nicely balanced and done, all-in-all!

It was supposed to sound emotionless and bitter, MJY.

melikes.

oops i lied
k im actually going to go sequel now