This is clearly a rant and a place of confusion where things can be sorted. You want to talk and you don’t, you want to solve, but you don’t know where to begin.
I love the map without a scale image.
If you re-read as speaking to your own self, this has the same depth of tragedy and loss, but a different dimension of being alone.

Lot’s of feeling here. ‘The wind of insecurity and lethargy. Thank you for the pain, sincerely.’ – favorite lines.