Shuddering in Sylvia’s little jar.
A few more endorphins—why not? I could use ’em.

To reach inside myself and shudder,
the only way to keep going,
the only way to remind myself I’m human.

To reach inside myself and shudder,
the only way to be with you,
Without really being with you.

To reach inside myself and shudder,
the only way to release
all of the words I can’t say to you.

I release them in a shudder.

To reach inside mysoul and shudder,
the hardest thing to do lately,
the hardest place to feel around.

To reach inside mysoul and shudder,
the bitterest, coldest wetness you’ll feel.

If the wind blows, you’ll freeze.

He’s right, you know.
The only way we’ll be saved
is to let them find you.

Saviors. Boy saviors.
They will reach inside me and my soul,
Pull out the wetness and hang it to dry…
Clothespins in the country.
Can’t you see the sun rising?

Pull out the seed they planted.
Holding the baby up to the light,
the light of the sunrise.

So we wait for our boy saviors.

What if they never come?