I’m going to concentrate on ways I think you can improve this. You’ve got four big cliches, which I’ll take in turn.

1. The bad guy’s name is terrible, I’m afraid. Star Wars does a similar thing, and it’s really annoying. Call him Dr. Wilson, and allow the reader to fill in how such an ordinary-sounding person could go so bad.

2. Ruler of the world has been done. Make it edgier by limiting his kingdom. If he’s unleashed such a wave of evil to dominate only the Lower East Side, for example, it makes him even pettier and more evil.

3. The German accent is unnecessary. There have been a few evil Germans in history, but the same can be said of all nations, and us Europeans will just roll our eyes and say that it’s another stupid American thinking that the only German ever born was Hitler (who was Austrian).

4. Never, ever end like that. It’s been done to death. A twist might be to wake up to discover that it is Charles having the dream. See also The Matrix and Back to the Future.

(I am from Europe(British))
And I didn’t put the German Accent because it reminds me of Hitler, I just always thought German accents were kind of like a sly, sexy bad guy

Fair enough. Still a cliche though. Stay at it: you’re writing better than I did at 16.

The sly, sexy German bad guy stereotype has been overused, to be honest.

(As has the upper class English accented bad guy, for that matter.)

At least you avoided the other obvious pitfall of making him an Arab!

I think I can see what you’re trying to do with this piece, but it’s so overblown with reused cliché and stereotyping, that it’s hard to get past that and see the wood for the trees.

It’s a good stab at the idea of the challenge, but it needs some more work.

I was always taught to embrace cliches!!!
ohh well….
we all have our up’s and downs….

I think the best part about this is that it seems to revel in its own ridiculousness. Not a big fan of the final reveal, but the over-the-top nature of it gives a fun whimsy.

Cliches are only bad when you take them seriously. When you embrace them with youthful vigor and whimsy, you’ll get something magical. I’m reminded of Dr. Horrible when I read this, and that is probably the best compliment I could imagine.

And Dr. Manslaughter is a fun name.

Now, I don’t think the writing is particularly executed with any sort of aplomb, but that doesn’t detract from my enjoyment of the piece.

Just for the record, I love Dr. Horrible

And, yeah, this story was written to embrace the cliches, not push them away!

So what’s next? He wakes up, a stranger in his own mind, a mind now run mostly by his cybernetic parts? Then he struggles to regain control?

i love it cliche till you laugh yourself into the spanish iquisition young writer!!! BRAVO!!!