Why am I thinking they are about to find Robert Neville in that house? I am guessing Matheson’s I Am Legend provided some inspiration? Again, I need more!

Thanks BiC (if I can be so familiar). I am legend is not something that I’ve ever read, but having swiftly looked it up on Wikipedia, I am now minded to hunt down a copy!

I love how music really affects a mood. http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=YnwfTHpnGLY&feature=fvwp

That’s what I was listening to when I read this. I wonder how the mood would change for your own story if you listen to it.

Also, your introduction was great. You have a very concise way of setting the story — something I have a lot of trouble with.

I struggled a bit with the grammar, as you use a lot of fragments throughout this piece. By the end, it seemed to fit though, suitable to this sketchy, piecemeal environment. Great scenario with lots hinted at without being too explicit.

The fragments suggest a different civilization, one where words are short because its life or death. Also, they suggest that the child is very young. This world is interesting. Not sure I like that the city recedes, that needs more explanation.

Thanks for the comment, ElshaHawk. The city recedes: I was thinking post some sort of economic apocalypse; the setting is an abandoned development on the outer rim of a city. Expansion falters, then reverses – the urban sprawl shrinking back to a smaller nucleus of habitation. Leaving a sort of soap-scum of unfinished building work behind. As ever, it’s a balance between providing the reader with enough background, without overburdening the story with too much explanation. And running out of space. I am enjoying the new challenge of having to be concise!