I followed it a bit better this time, maybe from having read the draft. I’m still missing something though. Feels like there is a shift in setting or perspective after the first paragraph and again with the last 4 paragraphs.

Thanks for your read and remarks, Doc. I’ll edit it a bit more. I’m experimenting a bit here. (This is fun!)

The perspective does sort of lurch about all over the place, but presumably this is intentional, if a literary reportage type of thing was what you were aiming at? I had to race off to Wikipedia to work out what was going on in the last paragraph, but that’s my ignorance rather than any lack of clarity in the writing. A neat job.