This is great. Nice way to set up for a sequel.

There’s no reason this needs to be mature. Get your story more exposure and reverse the mature rating.

I was raised with a “field” in my backyard. It was a huge retired nursery, some of the exotic plants still grew. It even had a haunted outhouse and well. Sometimes the well would have dead animals in it. They fell in. But no kids. We build too many forts to count on that land. Such fun. I was even chased by an owl and my stepsister got a bat caught in her hair. Yeah!

The land is now a Boys and Girls club….how appropriate is that?

Part of rating a story is the memories they bring up. Thanks!

This has an old fashioned feel to it, the dialogue, meat and potatoes, and even the roles of the characters and the hint of a small town riot. It’s got action, character, motive, and suggestions for a sequel. Nice writing!

Great – easy to read, uncluttered, good dialogue driving the thing along. Not sure about the skin rippling with emotion (does skin experience emotions?) but that’s just me being fussy.

I like the ‘backwoods’ feel and setting. With the dialogue, you really captured the voice of ‘them folk’ as well. I read what’s next.

Great scene. I like this calm parent eating his meal while listening to the assembled and nervous boys. Feels like a classic Western or a scene from Bonanza.