I really liked the urgency that the acid rain lent to the story but I was interested by the use of “drug” in the fourth paragraph. Since the word seemed to have been used during the narrative it threw me a bit. I understood that the children use alternate grammar but the narrative seemed to use what I would consider “proper” grammar. I also really hope we eventually find out whats in that house.

Nice sequel. You kept the boys’ speech patterns, the way the younger one was treated, and the setting, making them all more concrete. Also love the urgency of the rain. Bad, scary lady in that house. creepy.

Momentum. That’s what you have. The descriptions are stripped and purified down to an effortless pace that serves the story while still delivering a satisfying punch of artistry.

Strongest example of what I mean… “His head bounced over jutted rock.” It simply doesn’t get better than that. I mean ouch and all, ha, but it’s as good of a description as you’ll find in any published novel.

It’s making me think of a post-apocalyptic ‘Hansel and Gretl’. It took me a while to adjust to the poor grammar speech, but it seems to work in the setting and to establish the boys’ characters somewhat.

Ooh – didn’t notice you’d done this. Nice sequel, thanks!

The dialogue is very parallel the prequel. I like it. I also like the last sentence. It’s very foreboding and suggestive. It’s context is perfect.