This is good, very Vonnegut-ish. You do the ‘tripping’ stuff really well. Makes me wonder… :)

The first line surely counts as one of the greatest of any prose work in English; I can imagine earnest teenagers analysing it in the classroom for years to come. It also made me laugh. And then the second paragraph is quite disgusting. And then the rest, a descent into paranoid alien abduction psychosis. I like the idea of the travel bureau; it sounds so reassuringly mundane – I can imagine the bespittled, fishy aliens in their smart uniforms with peaked caps, handing out towels and complementary drinks and the apologising profusely when they realise they’ve mistaken masturbating-cornfield-man as one of their regular commuters. Hopefully, they have similarly stimulating open-air facilities on whatever exoplanet they’re destined for.

This triggered my alien phobia. Had me at “they.” Thumbs up.

JonB’s comment… hahahaha… the alien description is great!
Your story is really tripping, like an odd dream. I think I want to wake up now.