The last line is great, kind of comedic in a way, or just my morbid imagination.

Yeesh, that was icky, so nicely done and kudos. Absolutely killer last line.

I don’t think there’s any way to improve this story, Robert. The dialogue is natural and the horror vibe has just the right intensity.

I agree with all these comments. Great entry!

Ha! I love the last line as well. Well done.

You win this time.

I think this line is best: ‘A creeping dread crawled over my shoulders…’. – Isn’t that exactly how we felt when we saw the picture? – Mr Quick, you wrote it well.

I found his “Who will get you?” a little misplaced, as she doesn’t say that they’re going to get her, in her previous dialogue. Other than that, effectively creepy and a truly excellent last line.

@JonB I thought that too at first, but I figure you don’t want this kind of thing to feel too scripted, plus she is in some distress.