I think this would work well as a set of lyrics; not sure how successful as stand-alone verse. The pain/bane rhyme is a bit contrived. I don’t want to be discouraging though – overall, this ain’t bad!

thank you… I’ve written about 3 different versions of this; this one was my least favorite.

Very sad. Sorry to hear it seems like you’re struggling a bit with liking your own poetry.

It does feel like a piece of a song.
Your odd, and mostly lacking punctuation makes the rhythm seem off though.
No reason to not like it though, so don’t feel bad about it at all.

Sounds pretty heartfelt. The sentiment of painful mistakes is an easy one to relate to.