Very cute. I think this one has a nice balance of tight and wide focus. It’s right on the smile but still manages to span and suggest much more. Lovely.
Like the adept use of the particular to backdrop the universal.Also the way there is a circular form to the poem to echo the sense of wheels going round at the end. May be worth looking at the use of full stops ( I tend to think punctuation is the stage direction to the reader about how you want them to breathe through the poem). You have two full stops at the beginning and then from ..‘I no longer ask questions’ it is all one long sentence. this may be deliberate of course to build up the breathless pace as the poem speeds down the hill towards the end which the repeated use of ‘and’ also contributes to. Just be sure when you read it out loud to yourself the commas fall where you really need them for a half breath.
THX 0477
Princess Binky Lemontwist (LoA)
Writearound