Over the next week I looked through old photos of Jared, called my Mom, ate wonderful meals, and had horrible nightmares.

But I changed. I went to Jared’s grave with his mom, Marilyn. I left him yellow flowers. The color of friendship. I tied a note to them, a note my therapist had tried to get me to write long ago.

Dearest Jared,

I loved you once. I remember now. You were my salvation from a life of Hell.

But then you became part of the Hell and I reacted by shutting you out. Completely.

I forgive you now. And I forgive myself.

Your friend,


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