Over the next week I looked through old photos of Jared, called my Mom, ate wonderful meals, and had horrible nightmares.
But I changed. I went to Jared’s grave with his mom, Marilyn. I left him yellow flowers. The color of friendship. I tied a note to them, a note my therapist had tried to get me to write long ago.
I loved you once. I remember now. You were my salvation from a life of Hell.
But then you became part of the Hell and I reacted by shutting you out. Completely.
I forgive you now. And I forgive myself.