What’s interesting about this is that, apart from the envirodome and plastisteel, it’s not really speculative fiction at all: container slums are a reality in many parts of the world. It is comforting to learn, also, that even under these impoverished conditions toast is still available. Where would civilisation be without toast?

Other than that, a bit of tidying up: “exit [space] onto the roof”, “her eyes squinted into the *distance*”, and the final paragraph needs breaking up into sentences.

Looking forward to seeing what else you have up your sleeve – keep it coming!

I like the imagery that is presented and the overall tone/feel of the piece, but some attention to the variety and flow of sentence structure would add a lot of polish to the effect.

That last line in particular goes on just a little bit too long. Consider separating it into two sentences, or otherwise attempt to break up the flow of commas.

I, too, like the imagery of this piece. A couple of things that would add some polish: 1) Try to avoid starting every paragraph with the same word. In this case, I’d substitute ‘she’ for ‘Riley’ in the second and third paragraphs, and possible rework the opening sentence to one paragraph, as well, to give it a different structure and, hence, a little more interest; and 2) your last sentence should really be broken into four separate sentences, right where the commas are. That would definitely help that last paragraph flow more smoothly.