The word that comes to mind when I think about the writing of this piece is “solid”. The flow was consistent, the introduction of the mouse clever and there was just the right amount of drama. There is an opening for a sequel as well. Very well done.

Very nicely done! You kept the tone and the character’s voice in sync with my prequel piece.
I love that he tries to scream at the goddess and that she cowers and curses herself for being concerned about him. The mouse was a good touch, and the storm knocking him out was perfect.
The legend never says who lives, how the story was passed, or why the pilgrims were traveling. I threw in the goddess piece and the peace herbs myself. Obviously someone had to live to pass on the story. Many did die.

Good continuation, very much in keeping with the style of the original piece. A hook for a sequel as well – though I’m not sure where the story would go from here.

PS: “All the land could offer [was] a bit of jutting rock”.