It’s been here
My friends and family have this idea that all of a sudden,
I became filled and teeming with these emotions
Adolescence wakes you up.
It really does.
My body came alive.
My soul found a path and chose a direction.
But where is that bubble?
The one that used to save me from every feeling?
That bubble is gone now
And now depression and sorrow and heartache and sexual excitement-frustration seem like
All I’m made of.
But also the world that I knew crumbled in on me from the outside.
No more of the dreaded “every other weekend,”
And I never had to go back to the state fair ever if I didn’t want to.
Everyone is dying.
My great grandma,
My grandma (dead to me),
the person I used to be
I can see some of my friends dying on the inside
They smile, we fight, we make up
They take care of me.
But I see it
I seem them dying.
I think it’s me.
I think I am killing them
And what’s worse—I don’t know how to stop.