I like this. the only thing is, you say the father/devil’s has colorless eyes and then you call them white. i don’t think it’s a big deal, but when i hear colorless i think clear, ya know?
but it doesn’t take away from the story.

The few short sentences dispersed throughout do a good job with pacing. Has some interesting possibilities for future stories.

very interesting and unique. I like it alot. Hopefully there will be a sequel for me to read :)