I can’t tell people that I like snakes.

I mean…I really like snakes. As in…I LIKE like snakes. Something about them just makes me tremble, & in fact my first boyfriend was a beautiful corn snake named Adam. I miss him sometimes.

Imagine if I had just grown up to be a lesbian or something. That would be easier than this. At every family gathering, my wrinkled great aunts will sit sipping their iced teas & giggling about what human boy I should woo. I really hate them.

It’s not that I’m not pretty. You can ask Cain, the snake I’m currently with. We’ve been trying to move slow, but I know that he wants it. I know tonight’s the night. I know exactly what I’m going to do to him.

I’m going to let him slide all over my breasts, until I can’t stand it. I bought some snake pheromones from some biological black market (for researchers or something), & those are going all over my pussy. I know he’ll mount me.

Tomorrow, I have confession, then my mom is taking me to the pet store. I’m getting another snake.