Never Read the Bottle

I never should have looked at the paper folded up inside the box my medicine came in. It has impossibly small print and was folded over almost thirty times, so that by the time I got it all unfolded and spread out on the table, it covered the entire surface in diagrams of molecules, warnings and instructions.

I went right to the side effects, because I wanted some explanation for what was happening to me.

Side Effects may include, but are not limited: drowsiness, irritability, irrational exuberance, sweaty palms, increased flatulence (how do they know what level “increased” is?), tunnel vision, projectile mucus expulsions, runny eyes, dry nostrils, blue urine, mood fluctuations, incontinence, night sweats, and in rare cases, chance of sudden onset lycanthropy

Well, that explains the blackouts and small bones in the toilet bowl.

I honestly don’t think clear skin is worth the risk. Why did my doctor prescribe this? Can I stop? Then I read the section under the side effects list, and my blood ran cold.

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