You have an interesting premise here! It seems like there’s a lot of telling rather than showing going on though – maybe let us get some of this from the mouths of your characters, or from what they’re doing! That can help people engage with what’s going on and make it more interesting to read, and have a bit more flow.

I really love the image of the sky’s light and dark colors fusing together, I feel like I can really see the scene. And I like how you’ve used a lot of little mundane details of Jaime’s day, highlighting how a normal day can turn abnormal!

@someday_93

Thank you for your analysis. I am attempting to add more dialogue to my stories for more dimension, so that will be taken care of. I like focusing on the normal aspects of reality, so that I gain a more defined understanding of the strange, uncanny events that might transpire.