“I have said maybe 5 words total to you. I don’t stalk you, I don’t follow you, I don’t flirt with you. I’ve looked at you across a room a couple of times. And you looked back. I get it! You’re straight. But you didn’t have to say it like you did. And I can still think you’re beautiful and admire you and your spark and the fire in your hair. I’m quiet, okay? It hasn’t been easy making friends, okay? I think your beautiful, but I really just want a friend. So don’t talk to me like I’m invading you. You don’t know me at all, so I would appreciate it if you didn’t speak so patronizingly to me.” I let fall out of my mouth.

But it was true. And the whole time, I wasn’t even thinking about her. I was thinking about some place I could crawl away and take another sweet soul with me. But there was no one around. That made me so sad. It still makes me sad. There was no one.

I know I need to learn how to be alone.

I just fucking hate it.

And you know what else I hate? In every situation, I never call the shots.