It’s an entertaining bit of story telling with a nice sort-of twist at the end. I was slightly confused about which ‘she’ was being referred to at some points and There’s three of them isn’t quite in the right tense. But doesn’t really distract too much from the overall story.

I agree with Jon, the story seemed to jump around a bit, the tense seems to get lost.

However, the idea is fun. I suggest running with it, but more broad, not just this one incident, more like setting the story up, maybe a prequel to boost this story up.

Again the premise is fantastic, it’s all about the imagination!

The last line made me laugh, then I read 32^2’s prequel. I like the premise contained in both. Very funny and darkly promising.