Seb breathed his coffee in deeply, smiling. Conversely, Mark was eying his coffee with a degree of suspicion and disgust. In all fairness Mark had said he wasn’t into coffee, but Seb had grown tired of their pub conversations. He felt that as they’d moved away from haughty subjects like “which Girls Aloud member you’d do it with” to deep questions of the heart and soul, perhaps the time had come to move to a more grown up venue.

Mark had countered this with the fact that anyone can buy coffee, regardless of their age. But you have to be a grown up, or at least have a convincing enough mustache, in order to buy a beer.

“So,” Seb went on, “How do I know when to take the plunge? How do I know that this time, this time, I’m not about to get involved with a girl who’s going to rip my heart out?”

“Y’see, that’s where the beauty of my system becomes apparent,” said Mark. “I just bonk ’em, leave a fake phone number, and be out the door before they remember what I look like.”

“…Let’s go back to the pub.”