A pretty accurate depiction of travel via the tube network, with a bunch of strangers crammed together in a sweaty mass and everyone resolutely refusing to make eye contact or acknowledge in any way that they are, in fact, not alone.

Some good descriptions in there, although you jumble your tenses half way through: His eyes are fixed on a central point …His mouth moved feverishly and the final paragraph is a bit muddled.

Can’t help but think this was inspired by Musk’s announcement of his Hyperloop plans.

A great piece that tells the less comfortable side of the benefits of tube-based travel. The last couple of sentences brought a chuckle.

I’d recommend breaking up the first paragraph a bit – it feels like too much is packed in there (much like the people in the tube).

Thanks JonB, I’ll look into correcting those and agreed, the last paragraph was a classic case of “runoutofletteritis” :P

Kespan I wish I could claim that but seeing as I have no idea who that is I’ll have to say no and the packed feeling of the first paragraph was intentional, however maybe changing it a bit will enable me to improve the ending. Thank you both for your comments.

It’s a good descriptive piece, but something about the claustrophobic felt out of place. I wanted them to be a character, or to have some form, instead of just thought.