I have to say that it’s a bit hard for me to have empathy for the character, since this is almost all exposition. Show me (through dialogue and plot), don’t tell me.

There are some good ideas in here, but I do partly agree with Kay-Teaze that it is a little exposition heavy – and I think that it would benefit from a few carriage returns as well. That would mean losing a few characters, so having to make some edits, but that probably wouldn’t be a bad thing.

Better, yes. You obviously have a clear idea of where the story is going, with the careful set-up, so I’ll be interested to read how this pans out in the sequel.

I could wonder, the whole time I was reading, what he did. Must be a good sign, I guess.

Interesting enough to get me to read the entire thing, at least.

For some reason, I get the feeling Diane had a go at Natalie’s man before her.

Most men struggle with that, but nicely told from her very hurt and emotion-filled experience of the situation.