every now and then i lose it. this is the outcome.

The latter half winds up feeling like a big run-on sentence or two. It could have a much better feel and effect with some cleaning up and separating out of thoughts.

sorry. this was really just for my own
entertainment.

I agree with THX – it’s not bad at all, but some effort in giving it a little tidy up would make it quite good!

I actually liked it a lot. I notice how u put a lot of meaning into it making it still interesting. I also liked the metaphor u used at the end. Clever.