Fits the brief, but I feel like it could do with something extra to spice up this rather well-worn story.

Could also do with a little editing to break up the text a (carriage returns? I’m always going on about them) and perhaps cut out some of the repetition that crops up throughout.

I don’t want to sound too negative though as, overall, this is still a good effort.

Feels pained and conflicted, so that came through nicely. He’s thrilled, but there seems to be some doubt for him.