Lots of these sentences feel clipped, but you made good use of them with the doctor’s monologue of observation. It contributes a realistic sense to the conversation.

The whole thing hangs very satisfyingly on the ‘X’ word and like Jae, I think the fragmentary dialogue does add an air of urgent realism to the piece.

Also Kindly unbutton your blouse—I need to inspect the totality of the infection is a memorable line that I will store away for future use.

Dark but lovely in a dangerous and foreboding sort of way. Neat trick starting from mid-alphabet and going backwards.