Hmm, Who is she and what is she doing there?

I like! Especially the first paragraph – great opening. The rest isn’t quite as strong, but still wonderful. Subtle, yet deep – the whole thing, really.

Ooh, bad situation. Nice enough execution—the first paragraph is a good opening, like April said, but there’s something that strikes me as clunky…especially the second sentence. It’s like I’m concentrated on the breath that goes into the half-light that goes into the plain that goes into battles.

But my point could be totally unfounded.

(Typo alert: “justifucation” should be “justification.”)

Thanks for the feedback. I wrote the 2nd half a good while after I did the first, and I was pretty far into a bottle of wine too, so possibly there’s a lesson for me in this. ;-)