You paint a vivid scene here, of anguish, and uncertainty – I think you do a good job of taking the reader inside the mind of your psychologically unbalanced protagonist. The personification of the revolver is a nice touch too.
However, I think it is slightly over-written: there’s a lot of redundant description in there which is quite distracting. I’d suggest zooming out a bit – strip it down and jettison the minute observation. Could only make it a stronger piece.
JonB