The dullest knife
slices through all that fat.
Excessive,
extra,
emancipating
and yet
so empty tonight.
A hole I tried to fill with goodness
and food,
just expanded to make room for
all that useless shit.

As blatant as,
“Nobody will want to fuck you,”
to
something as soft as,
“…because I’m your friend and I care about you.”

From a slant of your grin
to
an eyebrow-knit together in disgust…

My fat is an extension of myself!
If you don’t love it,
you don’t love me!

I will not lose weight
to make room for your love.
That’s ridiculous.

My own mind sometimes draws circles around itself.
A constant battle of:
YOU DESERVE THIS.

to

YOU NEVER DESERVED THIS. NO ONE DOES.

to

how about…
YOU’RE A WORTHLESS CUNT

THAT NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR

CRY ANY GOD DAMN MORE.

to

don’t be so hard on yourself,

here is some ice cream.

And then back to all this hatred.
I thought I’d worked past it all,
all on my own like a champ.

I was wrong and sad as ever.
Now I have to man up
and fucking take care of myself.