Want to reduce your monthly payments on your car insurance? Haha, of course you do, my boy. That was a rhetorical question.

It’s really a very simple process.

First we have to kill a freshly born lamb. Violently. Always violently.

Next, with its blood, we draw a pentagram on the floor at your feet. The lines must connect — that is very important, son! Always connect your lines. Be very sure of that.

We then draw a circle around the pentagram. Be sure it is a circle, and be sure the five points of the star sit on the circle.

We then make a mixture of wolfbane, snakeweed, and catnip. This is then scattered around the sign, but never inside it. None must touch inside the circle.

We then draw these sigils on each segment of the star.

Step inside the circle, inside the star, in its very center. Picture the savings in your mind.

Be the savings.

When He comes, remember your place. Do not step outside the circle.

View this story's 4 comments.