You paint a vivid picture here. Incredibly sombre and cold. You have some punctuation errors in there, e.g. *lieutenant’s… but all in all very complete for something so short

Lovely, lovely, lovely—all full of ominous foreboding and whatnot. I’m a sucker for the suggested era as well. Great little bit of fiction.

I totally agree with the previous comments. I could picture this scene so vividly in my mind that I almost got lost in it.

Thank you inky blue, I need all the help I can get with that side of things. I fixed your example but no doubt I’ve missed others.

THX 0477 , thank you for your kind thoughts. Oh, I’m a big fan of your writing.

Cariad, thank you.

(roll of parchment, not role)

This is indeed a vivid picture, painted brilliantly! I like the juxtaposition of the calm messenger girl to the cold, calculating, ominous lieutenant. He obviously has a lot to worry about, while the girl does not.

Very effective, and very compact – especially for a first story. You’re perhaps a natural with this format.