Harsh! This is heartbreaking…

I’d say one thing… Is it intentional to have all but the last line in a steady seven or eight beats? It flowed so well, and I understand the image of the fallen star and how it could be important to you, but, despite being at the end, it breaks the flow, the pattern.

But wow. There is so much here. The clinical words of someone who feels too much. I know it too well. Sometimes the words have no restraint, and yet become so restrained in speaking. Nobody wants to hurt, nor to be hurt, especially by their own rapture.

I see what you mean and I agree on the last line, I keep reading it over and over to see if I could make it better. I have an idea

I have such a passionate connection to poetry. I always have. I appreciate it as a way to say what cannot be said in other ways. Funny how words in a particular arrangement, with rhyme and meter can evoke such emotion in us. ;)

Aah, great to see you’ve changed it, and I feel I must offset the low mark you gave yourself! One line does not a bad poem make. It’s beautiful.

Thank you! The Mark was actually an accidental tap on my ipad