Hope you don’t mind a little technical criticism.

Adding some extra variety in sentence structure would inject some extra life into descriptive first paragraph. Try to mix up your compound sentences with linking structures such as semicolons and commas. You can also change the length of your sentences to really engage the reader, and to avoid overuse of the word “and”.

Technical criticism aside, I love the details in your writing. Hits all the right notes for me :)

I felt the same way when writing last night- the Idea came to me so I had to pen it but I too, was not happy with how generic the sentence structure was. I just couldn’t find the right words. With that said- Thank you for confirming. I will get right on that with a fresh mind- AND thank you for the compliment ;)

Corrections made -hope it’s more engaging

Much livelier. Works great!

Thanks!