I’m not sure how to take this. On the one hand, there is some terrific emotional imagery here. But on the other hand, the transition from the feelings of love on her birthday to the post-breakup melancholia is so abrupt that it feels jarring. Perhaps you could expand this into two ficlies to help us get from point A to point B?

I disagree with Baromero’s comment only for the fact that it is so abrupt. 2 months isn’t long at all and it feels that you fell out of love just as fast as you fell in love. I really felt this piece as it hit on so many emotional levels.

Wow! Thanks so much for the contrasting commentary- Rwaver19: he seemingly fell out of love- not the narrator. – BARomero: if it felt jarring then I succeeded in conveying that emotion she felt then. I had elaborated in the original draft but fell to that bloody character limit- but there wasn’t enough for a sequel. Thank you both so much.

I see deep pain here. The highs torn asunder by the jarring breakup. The final line is the fallacy though, unconditional love cannot be given in a romantic relationship. That is just my opinion. It is really great to have her believe that, it heightens the drama.

Thank you Mr.West. Although I do disagree- unconditional Love and Trust are what make a romantic relationship last throughout the good and especially bad- the catch.. It has to come from both persons- it cannot be One-sided